(1 SMA)
Saat aku duduk di kelas bahasa inggris, kutatap gadis disampingku. Dia adalah sahabatku. Kutatap rambut panjang sehalus sutra-nya, dan berharap dia adalah milikku. Tapi dia tidak menyadarinya, itu yg aku tahu.
Setelah kelas selesai, dia berjalan ke arahku dan meminta catatan yang ketinggalan kemarin, dan kuberikan padanya. Dia berkata “terima kasih” dan memberi ciuman di pipiku.
Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu kalau aku tak ingin hanya sekedar teman,aku mencintainya … tapi aku terlalu malu, dan aku tak tahu kenapa.
(2 SMA)
Telepon berdering. Di ujung sana, ada dia. Dia menangis, dan berkata terus-terusan betapa kekasihnya telah menghancurkan hatinya. Dia memintaku untuk datang karena dia tak ingin sendirian, dan aku pun datang. Aku duduk di sofa di sebelahnya, menatap matanya yang lembut, berharap dia adalah milikku.
Setelah 2 jam berlalu dengan sebuah film Drew Barrymore dan tiga kantong kripik akhirnya dia memutuskan untuk tidur.
Dia melihatku, berkata “terima kasih” dan mencium pipiku.
Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu kalau aku tak ingin hanya sekedar teman,aku mencintainya … tapi aku terlalu malu, & aku tak tahu kenapa.
(3 SMA)
Sehari sebelum pesta kelulusan dia berjalan ke lokerku.
“Pasanganku sakit” katanya. Dia tidak mungkin bisa cepat sembuh & aku tak punya pasangan.
Sewaktu SMP, kami pernah membuat janji jika ada diantara kita yang tak punya pasangan maka kita akan datang berdua, sebagai teman baik. Dan itu yang kami lakukan.
Malam kelulusan, setelah semuanya selesai, aku berdiri di depan tangga rumahnya. Dia tersenyum padaku, dan memandangku dengan matanya yang sebening kristal.
Aku ingin dia menjadi milikku, tapi sepertinya dia tdk punya perasaan yg sama & aku tahu itu.
Lalu dia berkata “Ini salah satu momen terindah buatku, terima kasih” dan menciumku di pipi.
Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu kalau aku tak ingin hanya sekedar teman,aku mencintainya … tapi aku terlalu malu, & aku tak tahu kenapa.
(Hari Wisuda)
Sehari berlalu, lalu seminggu, lalu sebulan. Sebelum aku sempat berkedip, ini sudah hari kami wisuda. Kulihat tubuhnya yang sempurna melayang seperti malaikat di panggung untuk menerima diploma.
Aku ingin dia menjadi milikku, tapi sepertinya dia tidak menyadarinya & aku tahu itu.
Sebelum semua orang pulang, dia mendatangiku dengan pakaian & topinya, dia menangis ketika aku memeluknya. Lalu dia mengangkat kepalanya dari pundakku, dan berkata “kau sahabat terbaikku, terima kasih” dan mencium pipiku.
Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu kalau aku tak ingin hanya sekedar teman,aku mencintainya … tapi aku terlalu malu, & aku tak tahu kenapa.
(Beberapa tahun kemudian)
Sekarang aku duduk di bangku gereja, ini hari pernikahannya. Aku melihatnya mengatakan “ya, saya bersedia” dan memasuki kehidupan barunya, menikahi seorang pria.
Aku ingin dia menjadi milikku, namun sptnya dia tdk mengetahuinya dan aku tahu itu.
Sebelum pergi, dia mendatangiku dan berkata “kau datang!”.
Dia berkata “terima kasih” dan mencium pipiku…
Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu kalau aku tak ingin hanya sekedar teman,aku mencintainya … tapi aku terlalu malu, & aku tak tahu kenapa.
(Pemakaman)
Bertahun-tahun berlalu, aku menatap peti mati berisi wanita yang menjadi “sahabat terbaikku”. Dalam acara itu, mereka membacakan buku harian yang ditulisnya ketika dia masih SMA. Tubuhku terkulai lemas ketika kudengar:
“Aku memandangnya & berharap dia adalah milikku tapi sptnya dia tidak mengetahui perasaanku dan aku tahu itu. Aku ingin memberitahunya, aku ingin dia tahu jika aku tak ingin menjadi sekedar teman, aku mencintainya tapi aku terlalu malu & aku tak tahu kenapa. Kuharap suatu hari dia akan berkata jika dia mencintaiku…”
“Kuharap juga begitu” aku berkata pada diriku sendiri & airmatakupun jatuh membasahi wajahku…
[English version]
When I was in 10th Grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
11th Grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
Senior Year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too…` I thought to my self, and I cried.
-Sad Ending-
"Jangan biarkan rasa cinta itu membeku di hati. Biarkan dia keluar, merasakan hangatnya matahari, menikmati semilir angin dan sejuknya embun. Biarkan cinta itu mekar dan menebarkan keharuman bagi dunia. DECLARE YOUR LOVE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!"
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